Who the @$#*% is Alice (Springs)?

As my adventure is coming to an end I decided to make the most of my remaining time and have a true Aussie experience so headed for the heart of Australia, the outback, to work on my Mick Dundee impersonation. The jumping off point for the trip was Alice Springs which I flew to and landed in its most desolate airport, surrounded by such vast nothingness that I am sure they could extend it 100 times over and still no kick up a terminal 5 style stink. Landed and found out the existence of time zones that operate in half-hours, Alice Springs is 9½ hours ahead of GMT, until that I had thought that everyone operated on the same big clock hand.

The township of Alice Springs proved to be equally desolate as its airport. There had been an abnormal amount of rain in the week preceding my arrival, more rain in four days than in the entirety of 2009. This meant that the Todd river, usually a dry bed, was flowing which is a once a decade occurrence. But to somebody who has not been there for the previous nine years it was merely a small river which made my route to my abode twice as long, as usually you did not need to use the footbridge. Popped into the local Flying Doctors station which was mildly interesting, finding out that a mere nine planes service an area the size of the UK from this depot alone, so made a mental note to avoid hospitalisation while I was there.

The most striking thing I found about Alice Springs was the abundant presence of Aboriginals - mostly dressed like cowboys. Previously the only Aboriginals I had seen in the cities were either tramps or performing in streetside didgeridoo shows or both. I would soon learn of the harshities of life which many of their people have had to endure and make sense of this. After expending all of Alice's resources I headed back to the hostel to cool off in the pool, barbecue some kangaroo sausages and rest up for an early start the next day.

Pick up at 6am by a minibus and little did I know that this would prove to be the latest I slept for the next couple of days. There were twenty of us on the trip along with one all round guide/driver/cook/bushman. Out of all the travellers I was the only native English speaker with the rest being a mixture of Danes, Swiss, Swedes, Germans, Koreans and Taiwanese (although it should be noted that although I was the only person with English as my first language that is not to say I was the most fluent!!). So we set off early driving deep into the outback, hitting the Stuart Highway, the longest in Australia which runs coast to coast, North to South, Darwin to Adelaide. The road was so long and straight with no landmarks which is quite a sight when the only change between you and the horizon is the perception that the road is diminishing in width.

The amount of recent rainfall also had a profound effect on the landscape with swathes of grass and plantlife cropping up through what would typically just be red dirt. This was especially concentrated to the roadsides where water drains off the tarmac and meant that the new shrubbery attracted many feasting animals. Unfortunately, roadside + animals + road trains (200 ton, 36 wheeled trucks pulling 4 trailers) = roadkill. The majority of the kangaroos I have seen were not happily hopping around... However, we did manage to see many live animals in their natural habitats too, the aforementioned kangaroos, dingos, euros (cross breed of kangaroo and wallaby), wild horses, wild camels, lizards but predominantly lots and lots of flies.

First stop was Kings Canyon, one of many sacred Aboriginal sites I would encounter. It was was what I thought the Grand Canyon would be when I visited it earlier in the year. Kings was equally impressive and has managed to retain its true natural beauty. It has not been descended upon by tourist hoards and that is probably helped by the fact that that Alice Springs is much less of a tourist hub than Las Vegas. Once again the recent rainfall had influenced things and when we were there the waterholes were overflowing, vegetation was bountiful and there were even waterfalls flowing off the sheer cliff faces. We took all this in during a 10km walk around the rim of the canyon and down into its gorge.

After rehydrating (drinking more water in addition to the three litres I had already drained on the walk) we set off to make camp for the night. Brief stops to acquire alcohol and firewood were made. At the most isolated liquor store I have ever been in I purchased some brewed on the premises Fucking Good Port (I am not being coarse that was its brand name). Then we stopped at the side of the road to hatchet at some dead trees and drag enough firewood into the trailer to last us the night.

The camp itself was basic to say the least as we lay our sleeping bags and swags down and made a fire to keep away the various wild animals and beasties. A swag is basically a glorified roll mat so we had no shelter but admittedly there was not too much for us to shelter from. So we slept directly beneath an breathtaking night sky, the absence of artificial light making the Southern skies glow astoundingly bright. The early start, tiring walk, extreme heat and port combo made for a peaceful sleep until everyone was awoken at 5am by flies trying to crawl into their ears and up their noses.

I had been told previously that only fools voluntarily head to the outback in summer and I was beginning to see why. After making breakfast and clearing up camp we hit the road again and continued on our foray into the Northern Territory this time in search of Kata Tjuta. Also known as the Olgas, Kata Tjuta is another Aboriginal site and natural wonder consisting of many large domed rock formations.

We walked in and around these formations stopping along the way at several points of interest. Including ancient cave paintings dating back hundreds of years and also shown how these were created using materials we found along the way. Different colours of ochre rocks mixed with water give you a paint-type substance which can be used to draw but if you want it to last the ages then it must then be mixed with animal blood and fat. It is on this site that Aboriginal boys would come with their fathers to learn how to live off the land and the various practices required to ascend to manhood. Hunting, fishing, finding water, shelter and of course finger painting.

So after following the path to Aboriginal manhood we heading off again to their most world renowned and revered site Uluru (aka Ayers Rock). We visited some of the rocks most holy crevices, and heard about the ancestral spirits that the locals based their existence on, however it is difficult to grasp the fundamentals of their belief system as they do not allow outsiders to know any details. They only give you a taster by letting you in on the children's stories, which themselves seem pretty outlandish mostly concerning spirit animals obtaining a physical form to either wreak havoc and/or bring peace to a community. After this we heading to a great viewpoint to have a drink and take in a majestic sunset.

That night we camped we camped again this time sans fire due to our location within the national park, I did not want to bring up the reason for the fire the previous night being to keep away the creatures so kept quiet and tried to think positive every time I heard a scurry or a twig snap. Another early morning followed and we were up at 4am for sunrise to this time catch the sunrise over Uluru - again majestical.

That day we had the option to climb the rock or alternatively walk round. After the previous two days of guilt tripping that to climb the rock is to upset the oldest civilisation, culture and religion, I was torn as to which I would do. The climb itself when we arrive looked enticing as it was a sheer incline and would be an good achievement to conquer but my decision was made for me as the winds were to strong the park rangers were not allowing access to the summit. So instead set off on a 10k walk round biggest rock in the world, which itself was pretty cool.

After this it was another long long drive back to Alice Springs stopping off at some saltflats and for a dip in the Finke River (apparently the oldest in the world). All in all a great couple of days getting back to nature and a real eye opening insight into the Aboriginal culture. Over here Australians seem reluctant to discuss Aboriginals and it can seem like the country has very little history, but scratch beneath the surface and there is an abundance. However, I can understand that some of it is painful to be brought up. As I mentioned earlier about the Aboriginals I have come across on my trip being mostly hobos and drunks. It was explained to me that even as recently as the 1970's Australia had a scheme in existence to kill off the Aboriginal culture by taking, by force, all children and placing them in missions. As a result this 'Stolen Generation' has been raised with no connection to their forefathers culture but also have never successfully been integrated into modern Australian society. Now they are left in limbo unable to relate to either way of life, even struggling to come to terms with the English language as it has completely different noises and mouth movements from which they have evolved. This problem is endemic as the children of the Aboriginals are further suppressed. It is only now that the authorities are coming together to form solutions to these long standing problems to achieve proper societal integration and also reestablish a connection with the ancient cultures. On returning to Alice I most certainly view the locals from a different perspective than when I left only 3 days previous.