White Christmas

I was dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know... but we will come to that. After a four hour flight from Perth in which I was stuck by the window next to the worst case of obesity I've ever encountered, his folds were encroaching on my personal space above and even below the arm rest. This I could put up with but then he started snoring, the loudest rumbling possible by a human, each inhalation was like a mini-earthquake. So much so that I got many pitying smirks from the other passengers. After arriving in Sydney and finding accomodation to be prohibitively expensive over Christmas and New Year, I ventured out of the city and have found a place in Manly. It is a half-hour ferry ride from central Sydney and the ferry itself affords the some of the best views of Sydney's Harbour Bridge and its Opera House.

Manly itself is a great base with my hostel being only one hundred metres from the beach, which is filled with surfers and volleyball courts but of course the majority of people are just lazing around. Been able to do some great snorkeling here as well. The beach is lined with lots of bars and restaurants which run along side a promenade and have spent most of the build up to Christmas frequenting these and catching up with friends both old and new.

When Christmas day did arrive as expected it was not white but unexpectedly it was overcast and grey. Was able to make it to the beach in the morning and watched a lot of surfers getting to grips with their brand new boards. But then the torrential rain came and did not cease for the rest of the day. Luckily we had decided upon a traditional British dinner instead of a typical Aussie barbecue. And in amongst all the drugged up chavs (I am pretty certain a few people had cocaine for their Christmas dinner, followed by ecstacy for pudding), I managed to find a great bunch of people to spend the day with, including a few talented cooks and who did themselves proud and whipped up two massive turkeys with all the trimmings. It was remarkably similar to a Christmas day back home as everyone ate too much and asleep in front of the TV.

On boxing day went to Watson's Bay and watched the start of the iconic Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race, which was a real spectacle. Never seen so many vessels all cramped together, and initially did think the powerboats had an unfair advantage until we realised that these were merely spectators racing along side the course rather than actual competitors. From there went to Bondi and spent the remainder of the day supping schooners of beers and had a bargain $10 steak which was divine.
In movie news, just been see Avatar and was struck by the remarkable resemblance between its star Sam Worthington and footballing genius and general great guy Xabi Alonso - I have certainly never seen them in the same room together!?! And if watching a film with a Xabi Alonso lookalike was not enough, they sell the greatest ice cream known to man over here - The Maxibon. It was a sad day a couple of years ago when they stopped retailing in the UK, but it was trully great to bump into such an old and trusted friend over here.

Down Under

Regarding the last posts cliffhanger ending, the plug holes and toilets seem to drain clockwise down here but as I did not conduct a similar test under the same laboratory conditions back home I'm afraid I cannot draw any definitive conclusions.

Outside of the bathrooms, Perth is a very pleasant city - modern, clean and with a relaxed aura. On my first day I had a good ole city walk, passing through Perth's various cultural centres, impressive skyscrapers and also lots and lots of green spaces. I ended up in Kings Park which offered great views across the cityscape. Perth has an impressive skyline, although I'm glad to report I've not yet seen any domed structures to rival my native Perth's Bell's Sports Centre (2nd largest in the UK after London's Millennium Dome).

Overwhelming initial impression is how expensive everything is. The equivalent of £4 a pint seems extortionate when the same money fed me well for an entire day in Asia. Also different is the type of traveller, my hostel is full of long-termers, folks who have stayed here for months on end, some even locals of Perth who cannot not afford to rent or buy an apartment. I'm not sure staying in a rip off backpackers hostel is the most economically efficient route around this problem but how would I know. But I like Australia everything is very easy and seems to be a hybrid of the UK and USA, many big cars and trucks but they have lots of points of reference that are familiar to the British eye.

For example, I've been doing my food shops in Woolworths, which is a supermarket over here but with similar branding to the late British institution - unfortunately they do not sell pick n' mix. It has been strange getting into the habit of cooking cheaply for myself again after eight weeks of dining out for every meal. I am reminded of my student days every time I shop and cook, trying hard to keep costs down but not wanting to eat pasta and ketchup every night,. It's tough when your only variation is the shape of the pasta used. You can try to convince yourself that bowties taste different to penne which taste different to spaghetti but you are fighting a losing battle.

With this new found economic condition in mind I decided to use my skill set to earn some money in a pool competition. So after three beers to get me to my perfect place on the 'Beer Parabola' (Y-axis is 'pool ability', X-axis is 'number of beers', not enough = unrelaxed, to many = uncoordinated), I walked away with $50. I do not see this as a long-term job prospect but it help get me through the weekend.

Another oddity round these parts is that Australian Burger King is called Hungry Jacks. I am told this is because the original Aussie Burger King, probably a solitary burger van in the outback, refused all offers of compensation to change its name, so Hungry Jacks was formed. I recall a similar story with a sausage vendor in South Africa called McDonalds, but cannot remember the outcome, I hope its true and means McDonalds usual World Cup advertising will have to be more imaginative.

In other news, and not many people from the UK can say this, I went to Scarborough in December and it was sun drenched. A massive beach teeming with surfers and not a tea dance in sight. Also, met some old friends from Perth, Scotland in Perth, Australia which was odd.

I've been torn the last week as to what to do with myself with Christmas and New Year on the horizon and lots of talk of the job situation in Perth being illiquid. So I made the decision to sacrifice the West Coast and head East for a classic festive time in and around Sydney. Slightly disappointed that I only got a week in Western Australia but as ever there is too much to see and unfortunately I can't see it all so a week is better than nothing. But now I am uber-excited about the prospect of New Year in Sydney and hopefully meeting up with a few friends for Christmas.

So my last remaining days West were slightly hurried as I tried to squeeze in as much as possible which included Fremantle, a sleepy place south of Perth with a big music, arts and cultural scene. As I walked past the oldest building in Freo, The Roundhouse, where everyday at 1pm they fire a canon and drop a timeball so the ships in dock have an accurate time to set their clocks by. Just as I was looking at my watch (12:53), i was nabbed by a lady who worked there an made gunnery assistant for the day. I was charged with firing the canon on her say so, and at as 1pm came around I pressed the big red button!! Almost deafened myself and covered everyone with smoke. I was warned afterward that I was now covered in explosive material so if I'm flying anywhere in the next couple of days I may be in for some awkward questions at airport security. Luckily I've got my gunnery assistant certificate in case any such problems arise. After this I walked directly into a statue of a man standing on an amplifier, with a large microphone and larger lunch-box. It was a statue of Bon Scott, the original singer for AC/DC who although born in Kirriemuir spent much of his life in Fremantle. There was even Bon Scott themed tours on offer visiting his old homes, schools, prison, cemetery and more!!

I also visited Cottesloe beach which was picturesque with a sea full of kite surfers – which looked like a lot of fun. I stayed there until the evening as before I left I wanted to see one of the West coasts legendary sunsets over the Indian Ocean. And I was not let down, probably the best sunset I've ever seen, but as I was being snap-happy my camera unfortunately ran out of battery before the sky turned its fantastic shade of orangey-pink.

Currently writing this in Perth airport. My flight to Sydney is at 6am so ingeniously to save a little money I decided to forgo a nights accommodation in favour of the departures lounge carpet. It's presently 1am so I have a fair wait but luckily I've got The Times Book of the Decade ('The Road' by Cormac McCarthy) and The Times Album of the Decade ('Kid A' by Radiohead) to keep me sufficiently entertained...

Movin' On

This week has been one of transition with much travelling, three new countries and a new continent. First stop was Penang, an largish island just off the East coast of the Peninsular Malaysia. Traversed the Penang bridge to get there, one of the longest bridges in Asia at thirteen and a half kilometres. Penang turned out to be a very likable place with everything of interest and necessity within walking distance. It is very apparent that the British Empire has had a marked impact on the region, with place names such as Georgetown and Butterworth sprinkled in amongst Batu Ferringhi and Tanjung Bungah. The whole place has a real colonial feel to it which was a shift from Thailand where it felt like the Western invasion was a lot more recent and to some extent ongoing. Even my lodging (pictured), had a certain charm to it. After a quiet couple of days here I decided to move south to Kuala Lumpar (KL).

Unbeknownest to me, I was late for my bus to KL as I had not realised that Malaysia is one hour ahead of Thailand. So for two days I had been living one hour out of sync and had not realised. That just goes to show how little I have been relying on time and how few appointments I have to keep - it quite refreshing. Fortunately, nothing runs on time over here and I was still able to catch my bus... and what a bus!! I had expected the usual sub-megabus experience but was confronted with a monstrosity from the future, a huge bus and with only 20 seats, each of which could fully recline and each of which had a functioning automatic electronic massager!! A five hour bus journey has never felt so short.

I arrived in KL to find that the hostels I had earmarked to stay in were fully booked so ended up in a real hovel. Not wanting to hang around I headed straight out and straight to the only landmark in KL I was familiar with. The Petronas Towers stand at 450 metres and used to be the tallest in the world - you may recall them from the film 'Entrapment' starring Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones. They are a shtunning shight and shtill the tallest twin-towers in the world. I approached them just before sunset, so was able to enjoy them in both daylight and then lit up when the darkness had settled in. During this wait I talked to a German chap, Flo, who had had a similar plan and he was also here for a quick stopover on his way back from a year in Australia. So ended up grabbing dinner and a beer with him, and getting the some good Germanic Oz advice.

My foot was still really aching from barefoot walking on sharp matter, so second day in KL I could not do my usual wander around aimlessly until I stumble upon something of interest. I was really at a loss of how I was going to spend my day, find a quiet cafe?!? But then I saw my saviour a bright pink and black bus, the city hop-on hop-off tour bus. And I quite literally hopped on! It gave me a much better insight into what the city has to offer and I hopped off feeling much more positive about KL than I had done. When you're backpacking in a city you generally stay in the cheap sections so if you don't make the effort to get further afield you can just leave with a real negative perspective of a place. That night ended up in Chinatown and feasted on some authentic duck pancakes at a roadside/middle of the road cafe.

But once again it was time to move on and it has to be said that the bus to Singapore was a real struggle without an electronic massager, it's amazing how you miss things you didn't know existed but a day before... After a journey without stress relief, me and my aching muscles were eventually put down in the centre of Singapore without a inkling as to where I was or where I was going. I was looking for a map or information on a place to stay but with no luck, fortunately however the locals were unbelievable friendly and technologically equipped. So two minutes after speaking to a Singaporese girl with an i-phone and I was winging my way to my latest abode.

Clean, busy and filled with bars and restaurants, Singapore really has a feeling of a place whose time is now. I was in the city for less than 12 hours and that proved a blessing in desguise as although there is plenty to do and much to see, it is an incredibly expensive place. I started off in Little India and had great vegetarian Indian meal, then walked down through the CBD and Chinatown. Everyplace had a different feel to it and was full of different people. Little India filled with Indian/Malaysians, CBD filled with urban professional suits of all nationalities, Chinatown filled with orientals. Clarke Quay was also an astounding place, covered with restraunts and bars at every turn. You could eat in a different restaurant every night for years without growing bored and I got the impression that people do just that. It also has a very impressive skyline especially afterdark. I got a real buzz about Singapore and it's probably the first place I've been that I could actually see myself living. A spotless and modern city that although big does not have the often isolating vastness of the likes of NYC or London.

The next day on the flight out of Singapore I was given a corker of a seat by the emergency exit, but with extra legroom, comes extra responsibility!! Had to pass a test, and confirm that I was willing to accept the burden of opening the door in the event of an emergency. I took to this head on and fell asleep for the majority of the flight. So now you find me in Perth, Western Australia. It's the first time I've been in the southern hemisphere, so I'm going to find out which direction the toilet water drains away, for the results of this test see the next post.

Garry Was A Diver But He Was Never Down

This week I've mostly been scuba diving, relaxing and partying...

First off I spent four glorious days learning to scuba dive in yet another paradisaical island, this time Ko Tao, and now I'm a PADI certified Open Water diver. This means I can now dive to depths of up to 18m anywhere in the world, and although it was primarily a learning experience, it was also a great fun. Being back in a classroom, receiving homework and even sitting an exam were novelties that I doubt will be repeated often on this trip. It was both interesting and essential to learn though, as the equipment was brand new to me and and the dangers faced very real. In fact the scared the bejesus out of me discussing lung expansion injuries, decompression sickness (the bends) and of course plain old-fashioned drowning.

But after all the theory, the practice was immense. After a quick session in the swimming pool on day one, where breathing underwater for fifty minutes felt very unnatural, we were let loose in the ocean at the dive sites of Twin Rocks, Mango Bay and White Rock. It remarkable how quickly any awkwardness subsided and by the end of course everyone was doing somersault entries from boat to water and then taking advantage of their weightlessness to do front/back flips and even some 'Matrix' style kung fu.

In between the larking around there was also a fair few fish to be seen including clown fish (Nemo), barracudas, boxfish and also lots of cool coral and sea cucumbers. No sharks as yet but hopefully I'll get to use my new skills when I get to Oz.

On the final day after we had all been certified, myself and a few fellow divers were going to grab some lunch when an intense but friendly guy on a motorbike pulled up offering to take us to his mothers restaurant... It turned out my dive buddies had met this character Zingo (surprisingly not short or ginger and knew nothing about the inner working of a Landrover Discovery!!) the previous night and he was a Burmese waiter in a local Indian restaurant. We decided to take him up on his offer and must have walked for 30 minutes down dirt tracks until we calm to a 'tea house', which constituted the main meeting point for the Burmese community on Ko Tao. After Zingo sorted us out with drinks, he joined us at the table where we were each given a bowl of rice and then plate after plate of food started to arrive. Beef curry, squid, exotic salads, noodle stirfry, potato soup and we all helped ourselves. All this time 'Sceptical Weir' here had been thinking that we may be getting swindled and was expecting an extortionate bill but when the time came to pay, Zingo refused all our offers of money. An insanely generous act -reaffirmed by his Burmese roots, as we in the West use Thailand as a cheap labour force well Thailand in turn looks to Burma for its cheap labour. We arranged to stop by a bar he worked in that night but unfortunately there was no sign of him...

That night the whole group had a few celebratory drinks and the combination of alcohol, fire and my easily influenceable nature led to the following video...

From Ko Tao I headed South to Ko Pha Ngan to meet back up with Andy and Greg whom I'd been with in Phuket and Phi Phi. We stayed at a great place Mai Pen Rai bungalows which translates as 'no worries'. When we were there on our secluded beach at our perfect bungalow with amazing sea, beach, and jungle views we had no worries but the trip to and from the camp was a different story. It involved an hour journey off the beaten track only suitable for 4x4 vehicles which we had to make in a regular taxi. We had to do the trip four times in total and it never got any easier but these things all add to the experience.

The only time we really left our relaxed surrounding was for the legendary full moon party in Haad Rin, where 20,000+ partygoers descend onto a couple of kms stretch of beach and dance from sunset until sunrise. When we arrived it was pure insanity and took me a few minutes to be able to close my gaping mouth. Such a sensation overload - the music, the number of people, the colours as everyone was covered from head to toe in glow paint. An incredible sight and a great night, so good I lost my flip-flops.

Current injuries include a nasty knock on the head on said death trip back after the full moon party and I've got something stuck in my foot which is making me limp around. I also overstayed my welcome in Thailand by a couple of days so had to leave quick sharp, and after a hellish twenty-four hour transfer I now find myself in Penang, Malaysia - smelly, hungry and tired. Apart from that it's all roses...

Island(s) In The Sun

Fear not, I've not been in a tuk-tuk accident and I'm not rotting in a Thai prison, I've just been a lazy beach bum for the last week and have been unable to find cheap internet access, but the adventure does continue...

From Chiang Mai I (extravagantly) flew to Phuket but unfortunately I was twenty years too late. The coastal resorts are now reminiscent of the Spanish Costas, filled with British and Irish pubs and overflowing with herds of drunken holiday makers. Somewhat fortuitously I was staying inland in Phuket town, away from the crowds and from where I could get the cheap local buses to the beaches of the Andaman sea. These buses were almost slower than walking, stopping at every lamppost and every palm tree en-route. However, the hostel proved a great sanctuary and it's large lounge area provided an ideal setting for meeting people, so after a couple of slow days there I decided to move on to the island of Ko Phi Phi with some new friends.

Ko Phi Phi is paradise, such an idyllic place but once again I could only imagine what it would be like ten years ago before it was set upon by the masses and ravaged by the tsunami. Although from my perspective their was little evidence of superficial scarring, as it appears recovery has been fast and now there is very little sign of damage. In fact I struggle to imagine the beaches being more golden. On the island itself there was no motorised vehicles apart from boats, which gave the place a very mellow feel.

Days here were mostly spent chilling in the sun, with occasional breaks to the sea to cool down or do a little snorkelling. Nights were spent in the various beach side bars drinking and dancing into the early hours. There was scope for more productive activities as well and their was a walk to one of the highest points on the island, from where you could really take in the majesty of Phi Phi Don and it's smaller neighbouring island Phi Phi Ley. So good in fact that I did it twice once on a morning and second at sunset, the views were incredible.

Phi Phi Ley is most famous for Maya Bay (aka the beach from the movie 'The Beach'). We took some other travellers advice and struggled out of bed at 6am to get there before the crowds. We ended up being the first boat there and dock our long tail directly onto the beach, which we had to ourselves for an hour before it started to get busier – it was paradise. Also, went on a boat trip to various point around the two islands to some of the best snorkelling spots, some of which we had to kayak to. Places of such enticing names as shark point, monkey bay and Vikings cave - needless to say I saw no sharks, monkeys or indeed Vikings.

After the tough decision to leave and get some momentum back into the trip a few of us moved onto Railay, a coastal area on the mainland but once again only reachable by boat. It was yet another fantastic place, a hippy town where every bar is a reggae bar – I've heard enough Bob Marley in the last couple of weeks to last a lifetime. It's also the rock climbing capital of Thailand and I had planned to try it out until we checked out the route to a popular viewpoint. It was a sheer incline up soft rocks with trees and roots for grips. We only had our flip-flops on so we took the decision to ascend barefoot, such an exhilarating experience and yet again the views from high ground around here are mesmerising. The next day decided to do it again and this time descended the other side down to a hidden lagoon, it was hard going and we passed a lot of people who turned back, wisely deciding it was too hard. Scrambled down the cliff face the monkeys in the trees above impeding our progress by throwing fruit and generally putting us off with their howls. But sweat drenched and with hand and feet covered in red muck, we made it to the lagoon which was a pool of water too dirty so swim in and surrounded by muddy clay. Previous visitors had moulded various creations from this clay which lined the cavernous exteriors but I was too tired to practise my learned pottery skills, so regretfully didn't contribute to the clan of strange creatures.

After this achievement the desire to do a packaged rock climb had faded. We were feeling pretty chuffed with ourselves and adventurous, so next we decided to swim round from the beach to a cave further down the coast. On our return to the beach all the monkeys had descended from the cliffs and were running a mock, eating everything in sight. When anyone tried to feed the babies they would often be set upon by a hoard of larger monkeys. One of the best days of the journey so far and was followed by yet another cracking night in a another reggae bar, playing pool and drinking Chang (or Thai wife-beater as I've christened it).

Had to move on from Railay and I'm now on the east coast in the Gulf of Thailand, after a whistle stop tour of Ko Samui via Krabi and Surat Thani bus stations yesterday, I'm now in Ko Tao to do some scuba diving.

(Chiang) My Way

I've spent the last few days chilling in Chiang Mai. It's a great place and although a city it feels much smaller as I'm staying in the old city which is only a square mile and rests inside a walled moat. Also, inside the walls there are height restrictions on all buildings so it has avoided becoming another highrise filled town centre. This allows for lots of great rooftop bars just outside this zone which offer great views over the town. Additionally, the most popular modes of transport are mopeds and bicycles, which add to the quaint feel.

The day after the trek I went for a much needed Thai massage, which was amazing. Two hours long for the equivalent of £6. It was painful at times as she walked on top of me and I limped out. But a couple of hours after once the muscles calmed down I felt great.

Also, climbed up to Doi Suthep, a temple the locals say if you have not visited you've not visited Chiang Mai. The story behind it dates back hundreds of years when some monks put a buddha relic on an elephants back and let it bound around. It did so for 3 days until it came upon a place circled, trumpeted and lay down dead. This was where they decided to build their temple. You have to climb the 309 steps to reach the pagodas and when you reach the top you are treated to grand vistas across Chiang Mai.

Had a great chillout day at a rooftop pool with a few peeps who were staying at my hostel, and provided the first time I've been fully able to cool down in a couple of weeks. Really nice to be able to jump in a cool pool when I so wished. As we left we walked right into a market selling all sorts of appetisers - so grabbed some sushi and fried chicken for dinner. The food over here is to die for, there are steetstalls on every corner selling various wares. Fresh fruit is a favourite so it's easy to pick up pineapple or watermelon for breakfast. There also big into their meats on sticks, or will make you a stirfry infront of your eyes.

With this in mind and after too many people insisted I must go I decided to yield and take a Thai cookery class, and I'm so glad I did. To start our instructor, Ai, took us on a tour of the local food market tour and explained many of the stalls and the interested foods on offer. For example, horse pee eggs and dragon fruit. In the kitchen she taught us to make spring rolls, green curry, pad thai, hot and spicy soup, and banana pancakes. Not to blow my own trumpet but it was some of the best Thai food I've tasted so far!!

On my final day, I was just messing around and preparing to leave and I looked in on the temple next door to my hostel that i've walked by everday. I went in and it was my easily favourite so far. This was due to Wat Phra Sing having a peaceful garden area at the back with lots of wise Buddhist sayings attached to every tree.

Really liked it Chiang Mai, there is so much to do there and I didn't do half of it... but must keep on truckin' so flying down to Phuket to see the islands.

Ball Of Confusion

As I aimlessly wandered the streets of Chiang Mai I came across this...

It's called sepak takraw and is a popular sport in Thailand. Even after my many summers of 'head tennis' with my Dad, Brother and neighbours - in the back garden, a rope between two clothes poles and a court mapped out in spray paint on the grass - I didn't feel competent enough to ask for a game...

In other news, my quiet night turned into a grand nightout with my trek buddies, very much aided by energy boost from vodka and red bulls. I'm staying in a 6 bed dorm with two girls and on my way home I came over all good samaritan and brought back some Thai streetkids for the extra beds. I woke up bolt upright at 7am the next morning and the kids are gone, I srcambled around checking my wallet - luckily everything was there and they didn't rob us. It took a good 10 minutes to reallise that I would never do such a insane thing and it had all just been a vivid dream!! This made even more sense when someone later told me that red bull in Thailand contains small traces of LSD... I think I'll be sticking to coke for a while (a-cola, not cocaine)!!

Star Trekkin'

Get out of the City I said. Well, I certainly did that...

As planned I got the train to Chiang Mai with a Bostonian guy Lee who I met in Bangkok. Twas an good journey but 'sleeper' may be false advertising. A fluorescent lamp inches from my face and the constant chugga-chugging, do not a good nights sleep make (probably the 3rd worst nights sleep of my life). It was also 2 hours late but when that makes a 14 hour journey 16 hours, it's small change really.

Lee was booked on a trek for the next three days on the slopes of Doi Inthanon, Thailands highest peak, and as i had no firm plans I decided to join him. Phoned the trekking company when we arrived, they asked where I was and what I was wearing (I know, kinky!!), and within 5 minutes a moped arrived, I was plopped on the back and whisked away to their office. I've found that as soon as Thai people get a whiff of a money making opportunity they will go to extreme lengths close the deal.

It was an early start the next day and was tired from the sleeper so had an quiet night in expectation. In the morning I was picked up by a songtaew full of fellow trekkers from around the world – American Lee, a trio of cool Canadian girls, a couple of girls from Uterecht, a couple from Hannover, two guys from Mallorca, and our two Thai guides. Pai, the sole English speaking guide was decked out in an Obama '08 t-shirt, baggy jeans and a pair of chuck taylors. He did remove the Chucks for the trekking but only to put on his flip-flops!! After a brief stop at the market for our guides to buy the raw ingredients from which they made all of our meals, we were on our way.

First stop after a long drive into the wilderness was bamboo rafting. Certainly not a thrill ride, more of a slow and lazy meander down the river, all the while getting a very wet bum. The rafts were then completely dismantled and shipped back up the hill, to again be reassembled for the next descents.

After this was a three hour trek to our camp for the night. It was hard going in the extreme heat and humidity. I thought the 5 peaks would have stood me in good stead but this was really tough - sweated through t-shirt and shorts within five minutes! The terrain also made it hard going and I did curse the travel agent for saying trainers would be a-okay, but when the guides are in flips and everyone is in the same boat you can't complain too much.

The sight of a glorious waterfall beside which was stationed a semi-permanent camp for us to stay the night couldn't have come too soon. Showering in that waterfall is one of the most refreshing experiences of my life. In the evening we sat round the fire and Pai serenaded us with his take on a few Bob Dylan and Neil Young classics – both amazing and hysterical in equal measure. Also, found out he is a Muay Thai kickboxer on the side so a talented individual but not one to be trifled with. When our guides disappeared into the forest for 15 minutes, I thought they were just collecting firewood but returned with frogs, crabs, fish, snakes all of which they had caught and most of which they proceeded to cook on the fire. It was all a bit 'I'm a celebrity'!



After the second worst night of sleep I can remember, we set off further up the trails and via another waterfall carved a path to Prang Ma Oh a village of the Karen tribespeople. Greeted by a angry dog with an axe wound over it's left eye (apparently it had stolen food or killed a chicken from a neighbouring village and this punishment was handed out) and ant infested sleeping quarters, no body in the group was relishing the prospect of a night there. I thought no electricity or other creature comforts (apart from creatures that is - dogs, cats, bulls, pigs, roosters, chickens), would make for an interesting night, other people in the group had stronger feelings. At one point a leaving committee was almost formed which I was dead against. It would have been a incredibly disrespecful to these people if we can't live one night they way they do 365 days of the year. But fortunately we managed to quash this line of thought. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Thank Buddha we had playing cards, and found out that the only money the village recieves from these treks is through the drinks they sell the trekkers. So we set about replenishing the village finances with much relish. One of the villagers had to keep going to the next village to collect more alcohol - it was all very surreal. Again we got a fire going and this time there was a Thai harp doing the rounds... it's quite a piercing instument when played well and ten times worse when played badly and it was nice to find out that my musical inabilities are universal! Even though, all of this was followed by the numero uno worst nights sleep in the history of darkness, it was probably the highlight of the trek. Making the most out of a bad situation and definitely character building stuff.

The next day we made the descent back to civilisation, stopping briefly at an elephant farm. The ride was scary, smelly and generally a horrific experience. I'm not a big animal lover to start with but this was horrible. Those big dirty animals took us on a circuit of steep inclines, holding on with white knuckles - it was scarier than any rollercoaster I've been on, I guess the unpredictability of nature adds a new dimension. Also, the elephant took a dislike to us and insited on sucking up dirt in it's trunk and blowing it all over us. Only redeeming factor for me was to see the native Thai elephant rider in a Newcastle Utd strip!!

Really good adventure but with too much hanging around, it was probably a two day trek streched out to last three days. That did though provide the basis to bond with my fellow trekkers and after you've shared a single person mosquito net with someone, played hours and hours of cards, and shared so many other experiences it's easy to consider them friends. So despite some ropey moments it was a true experience, I was able to experience true Thailand and that's what I'm here for...

So just back and going to hang around Chiang Mai for a few more days. I'm aching and (after the three sleeps from hell) very tired but nothing a good nights sleep and tomorrow's thai massage won't cure.

Bang

In Bangkok, hungover and tired - probably the way it should be.

The flight here from Egypt was great, I slept for the vast duration and everytime I did stir I was comforted with images of Glasgow (including my old flat on Bentinck Street), as they showed the movie “Stone of Destiny” - Robert Carlyle in Arabic, classic! The hostel is great, nice and clean, but realised on my initial scout about that I'm in the centre of the red light district. I'm getting offered 'massages' everywhere I go, but I don't think it's my shoulders they want to rub!!

After my first experience of Thai food, a green curry which blew my head off, I decided to venture to the Khao San Road - backpacking epicenter of the world and so called decompression chamber for South East Asia. Very easy to get chatting to people around here and a few drinks shortly turned in to night on the tiles with an English guy Dan, an F1 mechanic and the who changes Rubens Barrichello's front left wheel in the pitlanes of F1. My first tuk-tuk ride was an experience as we headed to a club in a multi-storey car park with the driver doing wheelies at every opportunity!!

Hungover sightseeing the next day was a struggle, managed to see Wat Pho, a temple and home of the huge 'Reclining Buddha' who has a reassuring cheeky smirk on his golden face. Also, attempted to see the Grand Palace but my shorts were too short - the Thai security guards didn't appreciate my attempt to flash my calves at the Emerald Buddha! Quick change of plan and onto the Golden Mount which offers breathtaking views of the city, but sadly closed 30 minutes before I got there. Back to the hostel (via McDonalds for remedies) with my tail between my legs for an early night.

Had much better luck the next day and took a James Bond style river boat to the Grand Palace (this time kitted out in long trousers). Walked until my legs were sore and ended up off the beaten track in some strange side streets with no other westerners in sight, a healthy mixture of fascination and fear at the unknown. The temples and palaces are all very striking and their architecture is really interesting but there are so many it's hard not to become blase. In the evening had a few beers with a mixture of national travellers – German, Oz and USA – which again ended scooting around the deserted streets of Bangkok after dark in an overloaded tuk-tuk – good times and very reassuring to find how easy it is to meet like minded people. But feeling like I've had my fill of city living so heading north on the sleeper train to Chiang Mai.

Walk Like An Egyptian

First impressions of Cairo were formed on the trip from airport to hostel and were primarily traffic based. Cars four abreast in each direction on a road only wide enough for two lanes, with every car aggressively carving it's own winding path seemingly unable to stay on any predictable route and merrily beeping it's horn for no discernible purpose. This first impression was generally applicable to everything about Cairo – there is no system but somehow everything works.

I survived the deathrace and was hoping to find sanctuary in my hostel only to be greeted firstly by the oldest lift in the world and as the lift reached the top floor (ping!), stray cats everywhere (they are sacred in Egypt so nobody even attempts to exterminate them). It's an open-air hostel on the top floor of a highrise and them crazy cats roam free covering everything in their sacred shit. But hey, beggars can't be choosers. So onto the room, luckily there were no cats present but it was a bit squiffy, manky holy sheets and rancid pillows. I didn't bring a sleeping bag but I did improvise and pack a single duvet cover for this very situation, and boy am I glad I did! Slept terribly the first night due to both fear of moggies and persistent horn tooting, so it was inconsequential when the call to prayer from the local mosque pierced through at sunrise (4:30). Got up and showered the next day thinking things can't get much worse...

Decided to hit the streets and get my bearings, aware that the Egyptian Museum was close by. Within 20 minutes a 'friendly stranger', Omar, had accosted our fresh faced traveler helpfully showing him the way to said museum. Unfortunately the signs we were passing contradict Omar so when we coincidentally arrive at his shop I find myself with two options: A. Enter and have my money charmed out of my pocket (or worse), or B. Leg it across the aforementioned 8-lane expressway. And that's how I learned to cross the roads in Cairo (or walk like an Egyptian, if you will).

Things have vastly improved since then... the world renowned Egyptian Museum was fascinating, if slightly daunting with over 200,000 artifacts. Too much to tackle alone and tours were too expensive for my budget so I improvised and tagged on the back of the group with the loudest and most flamboyant tour guide. Unfortunately, no cameras were allowed inside so I can't share with you the artistry of King Tut's solid gold burial mask or the royal mummies complete with hair, teeth and fingernails, I can only attest to their impressiveness.

I've also visited the Sphinx, the Pyramids of Giza (largest) and Saqqara (oldest). They are a testament to the engineering brilliance of the Ancient Egyptians and the pyramid of Khufu remains the only surviving member of the seven wonders of the ancient world - quite breathtaking. Although, It can be somewhat hard to revel in their majesty with so many touts and scamsters around, offering everything from papyrus inkings, mock keffiyeh (head-dress) and camel rides. You have to be very firm with them, 'La shukran' seems to work better than 'No thanks' and definitely better than 'Non merci' as I witnessed a powerless Frenchman lifted atop a camel against his will... I think he had to pay to get down!!

Many other sights have been taken in including the river Nile, some mosques and the Citadel of Saladin (who was the nemisis of Richard the Lionheart during the Crusades) – this made me think of 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves' but more so of 'Robin Hood: Men in Tights'. I wandered the alleyways of Khan el-Khalili this morning a huge market bazaar selling everything under the sun – which reminded me of 'Aladdin'. And also passed by The American University In Cairo, which sounds like the less scary more cerebral sequel to 'An American Warewolf in London'.


Enjoyed Cairo despite getting lots of hassle, I think I need to sort out my rugged hardened traveler look, as opposed to the fresh off the plane innocent fear in my eyes gawp I'm currently sporting. With this in mind I've stopped shaving but think the resultant 'bum-fluff' makes me an even more obvious target! Fly to Bangkok tomorrow and looking forward to the change of scenery.

It Began In Afrika

Or so I thought until Anna and I found out upon our arrival that the Sinai peninsula (i.e. Egypt east of the Suez canal) is considered by many to be in Asia. But classifications aside, it's been a remarkably enjoyable start to the trip, with a relaxed week of fun in the sun... when it was out!! An early sunrise and sunset at 4pm make for a short day – Egypt should look into adopting some daylight savings time me thinks! But seeing as temperatures were 30°+, it was often a blessing when the afternoon dusk did arrive.

We were staying in Naama Bay, which boasts vast clear seas, coral reefs and fish aplenty so we got on the snorkeling gear and took to the Red Sea. An bountiful array of fish could be seen and I only wish I had an underwater camera to share some of the sights with you. After that experience I can't wait to go diving in Thailand - I'll be Jacques Cousteau in no time, I just need to get myself a wee red hat!!

Naama Bay was a nice place, very touristy and occaisionally verging on 'Brits abroad' but that scene was easy to avoid. By night the hustle and bustle of the shops, bars and restaurants was very appealling, although it was a sober thought reflecting that scores of innocent people were killed and more injured in terror attacks in that exact place only four years before. No doubt in response to this there is a very visual police presence but they never seemed to have any more demanding duties than directing traffic, which I guess is a good thing.

Getting a few souvenirs provided a good platform to practice my haggling skills which could probably do with some improvement – less angry and defensive, more open and friendly. The Egyptians we met were all very forward, continuously calling me 'lucky boy' to have such a fine young lady on my arm and they all seemed very covetous, although I didn't get any solid financial offers!! One of the few exceptions was our house keeping guy, Rafat, who somehow got the wrong end of the stick and came to the erroneous conclusion that Anna was my mistress, and we were on a cheeky week away from my loving wife and kids back home. I don't think this sat well with him and he gave us many knowing and disapproving looks. He must have been a man of great morals, either that or he was irritated that I kept using all the toilet paper after the Egyptian fare didn't agree with me!

Overall (was going to write 'on the whole' but it didn't seem appropriate), it was a amazing week (thanks Anna!) and a nice relaxing way to start the travels. And now I'm off on my own and it does indeed begin in Africa... Cairo here I come!

I'm On My Way

Hello dear reader and welcome to my blog (please note that is dear reader not dear leader, this isn't a blog solely the North Korean dictator – sorry Kim Jong-il, I'll write you soon).

I'm setting off on a journey to broaden my horizons, both literally and metaphorically, and somewhat self-indulgently I'm going to harp on about it on this here blog. Initially I'm off to Egypt, the Red Sea area with Anna for a week and from there I'll be branching out on my own to Cairo. I'll then be heading east to Thailand to explore the region before making my way down through Malaysia to Singapore. After getting a taste of Southeast Asia, the plan gets slightly more sketchy, but will probably involve flying to Australia and from there it's anyone's guess...

Departure date is a week today and needless to say I'm filled with anticipation and excitement. I'll be trying to keep this up-to-date as much as possible with my progress, quasi-inspirational insights and stunning photos but realistically it will predominantly be incoherent digressions (see above!).

Garry